All of us as supporters of traditional marriage, have been watching the aftermath of Governor Sanford's affair with an Argentinian woman.  I am not here to condemn him.  I am here to remind him and all of us what marriage is about.  It starts with the proper perspective on marriage and investing time in the most important of all earthly relationships.

If you married in a court, then it is a civil contract, and perhaps the traditional ideas will hold the marriage together.  But if you marry in a church in the presence of God, marriage is for keeps.  We understand that some situations like abuse and unrepentant infidelity give pause in a marriage. 

Governor Sanford has mistaken his new "soul mate" as his new love.  She is not.  He married his soul mate many years ago and his home and family have settled in and now the "wow" factor has been replaced by the mundane.  Being a soul mate is not dependent on feelings but rather on how God has put you together to care for each others' soul.  As with faith in God,  in marriage we should not put our feelings ahead of our trust in or in the meaning of permanence in marriage.

 Infatuation is not love.  Love is a choice and a commitment.  All those wonderful feelings we experience when we first date are misleading.  I was against arranged marriage when I was younger, but now I think in some ways, when we marry for love, we delude ourselves into thinking that life should be one continual date.  Neither am I saying that there shouldn't be happiness and joy in marriage.  Love should consist of respect, admiration and deep trust; not whim and infatuation. That fades with maturity and time. If you don't prepare for marriage with that in mind you will be disappointed.

Marriage is till death do us part.  It means you stay there beside your husband or wife whether you like them or not on any given day. It is for better or for worse, when the jobs come and go, when your spouse puts on the pounds and isn't as attractive as they once were.  When they are sick and lying in a hospital bed, you don't tell them to fend for themselves. It means you stay when every cell in your body wants to leave.  It is not for the faint of heart. There usually is as much or a whole lot worse than there is for the better in marriage.  Marriage is not glamorous or a happy fairy tale.  It is about struggling beside each other through situations and sometimes because of each other.  You may be happy or unhappy in marriage but you commit to stay no matter what happens.  Situations are good and bad, they are not always a reflection of your marriage.

Being married is not about you and your happiness, it is about your spouse and their welfare and how you can be that support in their life.  If you are unhappy, get happy, even if it's partly due to your spouse, stay there and don't leave.  Marriage is about living alongside another person and going through all its ups and downs and experiencing it with that person.  It is not about candlelight dinners every night, it is hard work loving another sinful person.   It means allowing God to teach you about himself through your spouse.  It is about bringing that person to the sunset of their life no matter the personal sacrifice, knowing that God has divinely placed you in each others' lives for that express purpose. Marriage teaches us forgiveness, patience, perseverance and most of all unconditional love.

In a Christian marriage we marry not only for love but also to mirror the love God has for us through creating a family and sharing our faith with others.  One of the main functions of marriage is to create a family. Sometimes biology does not allow that.  Marriage is also for the purpose of fellowship with each other, your children and God.  As a Christian if we ignore the spiritual or relational aspect of marriage, we do not experience all that it was intended to be. 

Governor Sanford please don't tell the public you have found your soul mate in an Argentinian woman, do not dishonor your wife in that way.  Don't tell us you intend to fall in love with your wife again. Marriage is not about falling in love, it's about keeping your vows.  There are many people in this world, but you made a commitment to your wife, till death do you part. Stay with her and keep your Christian commitment by honoring her and God.